Almost Southern: how to snatch that one fish in the sea

Basically don’t act like a middle schooler and you’ll be fine.


by Meredith Mulhern, Staff Writer

So I’ve hit that time of the year where I have absolutely zero motivation to do anything even though I have four million things to do. I apologize if this blog is sub-par, but prom is in two days and I have so many projects due that it’s driving me crazy. Don’t even ask me about graduation. So, in honor of me going crazy, I thought I would write this blog about how to not be crazy. However, if you enjoy being crazy, keep doin’ you kid.

To elaborate on my last point, this is basically going to be a guide on how to not act like an obsessed seventh grade girl around the boy (or girl) you may like. I feel like we’ve all been down that path in grade school where we walk our dogs past our crush’s house, try to hold their hand at weekly mass and get paired with them during group projects. Now, the stalking has taken a more subtle route. We go through every possible social media outlet and stalk them till you know their grandmother’s middle name. We check our Snap Stories religiously to see if they’ve posted a story with that one chick who goes to a different school that you don’t know (who ends up being their sister). Honestly, keeping up with your hopefully future significant other is exhausting, and frankly a little creepy. Finally, here’s how to go through this whole process in a quick, efficient, and slightly less creepy way.

1. Don’t drive/bike/walk past their house. Would you want someone doing that to you? Probably not, but it was always exciting when we were kids when we got TP’d or you saw a group guys from your grade casually bike by your house (even though they didn’t know you lived there). I don’t know, I guess if you feel the need to do this then go ahead. I don’t run your life.

2. Don’t get jealous if they talk to other people. If you aren’t dating them, don’t worry about it. Don’t forget that you can talk to whoever the heck you want, too. You are an independent woman who don’t need no man. It’s totally okay if you want a man, then that’s cool too.

3. Go easy on the communication. Don’t get me wrong, I am an avid double, triple, quadruple, etc. texter. I will text someone 76 times in less than a minute if I need something. However, if you’re future S.O. doesn’t respond right away, maybe lay off for a bit. Either they’ll respond in a little bit or they won’t, which definitely isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you. Just try again later. However, if you’re feeling a little send-button-happy, maybe just ask another question that relates to the conversation and keep it casual. Totally up to you, though.

4. Don’t agonize over talking to them. You should not take thirty minutes to reply to a text because you’re deciding whether or not to put a smiley face emoji. Just talk like you normally would and be casual. Also, if you aren’t a regular exclamation point user, don’t use them when talking to the possible future S.O. If you do, then you are digging yourself into a hole that you can never get out of. You will be stuck with that piece of punctuation forever. However, if you like using exclamation points, go ahead. Use all the exclamation points your phone has to offer.

5. Don’t follow them around. If you are hanging out together (#blessed), talk to other people that are with you. Be yourself, have fun, and don’t worry about Future S.O. (yes, I have given them a name now). I mean obviously talk to them a little bit, but they aren’t the only person you need to focus on. If you guys are hanging out alone, then that is most likely a date and you don’t need my help. You have won the game (if the date goes well).

6. Keep a light, casual banter. Do this when you’re with them. Act interested, laugh at their dumb jokes, etc. But, for the love of St. Teresa of Avila, do not put up with them if they make racist, sexist or just mean in general remarks. Ain’t nobody got time for that. People who are mean to other people will eventually be mean to you.

7. Don’t be mean. It’s tempting to be rude to Future S.O. because that’s easier than showing ~feelings~. If you act like a brat, chances are they will take it the wrong way. They won’t think you like them and are interested in a possible future relationship, they’ll just think you’re mean. You aren’t mean. Don’t act like you’re mean.

8. Be yourself! Honestly if Future S.O. doesn’t like you for you, what’s the point? Ditch Future S.O. and find Future S.O. 2.0 if that is the case.

I have found these tips to be very helpful in my life. Basically, my number one piece of advice is be yourself because it’s a waste of time if you do anything besides that. My number two piece of advice is act like you are a mature little lady and not like you’re in seventh grade all over again. That little nugget of wisdom will get you places in all aspects of life.