Issue of gay marriage deserves an open mind
November 6, 2013
by Madi Winfield
It was early in the morning just over 50 years ago, and thousands of men and women gathered together in the heart of Washington DC for a historic event that would be remembered for years to come. The March on Washington was a protest against the unfair treatment of African-Americans in the US, and the laws against them, preventing them from sharing the same amenities, privileges, and standards as white US citizens. The civil rights movement made a difference, changing how people were treated and promoting equality.
But this message of equality, of love for all, of acceptance and tolerance, has been lost.
African-Americans were discriminated against because of their skin color, but the latest case of prejudice has nothing to do with appearance; this is about sexual preferences.
The only difference between homosexuals and heterosexuals is whom they are attracted to, and yet gays and lesbians are treated as social pariahs, protested against and denied basic rights and privileges. This is unfair and utterly wrong, especially when people bring this prejudice to the voting booths.
There are laws in many states regarding gay marriage. Seven states have made civil unions and domestic partnerships legal, while 13 have legalized all forms of gay marriage. However, 30 states, including Kansas and Missouri, have banned it outright.
Some people resistant to this cultural shift argue that “God said homosexuality was bad” and “the Bible outlaws gay people!” However, God does not make laws, and the Bible is not a legal document. You cannot use either argument to solve a legal dilemma, or you would void the separation of church and state. Not everyone who has to follow those laws follows the beliefs that govern these mindsets.
This kind of closed-mindedness to other opinions transfers to other aspects of this argument. At a recent youth group meeting, a speaker was talking to us about subjective and objective truths, and one thing he said was, “Close your mind only to what deserves the closing.” I highly disagree with this, especially in the case of gay marriage. Deciding “what deserves the closing” is a subjective truth itself, where each person has their own idea of what’s right. Someone might say that the truth that closes is that gay marriage is wrong, while I say that people’s belief in that truth is why the mind needs to remain open.
This moment in time is the moment where people’s open- and closed-mindedness on this issue is most important. Though there are laws in many states about homosexual marriage, there is not yet an overarching law for the whole country. But with all the current controversy, with Westboro Baptist and everything similar, and with the new ruling in place that says all types of married couples have the same tax rights, this all-encompassing law is likely to come soon.
With this vote will come many individuals who do not believe in equality. They will come with their ballots at the ready to restrict the rights of homosexual couples. They will come, and they will vote for marriage inequality.
And if inequality is reached, will we be able to reverse it? What will it take? Will we find ourselves with another civil rights movement? Another Occupy Wall Street-like protest?
All that is certain is depriving homosexuals of their rights would not only make life worse for them, but it would affect the communities of the world as a whole. Separating them from heterosexuals creates a “separate but equal” mentality, one that we have worked so hard in the past to demolish.
And if, hopefully, marriage equality can be reached, those who don’t agree will protest. If we believe what some people against gay marriage say, the “institution of marriage” will be obliterated. These few also believe every homosexual who gets married will be put right into God’s big list of Who’s Going to Hell.
But what is the institution of marriage? What is this omnipresent, deciding force that is called upon to decide which marriages are right and which are wrong? And why would God seek to punish anyone when the Church teaches that God is a kind, benevolent being? I choose to believe that, in his wisdom, God will love us no matter our sexual preferences.
The choice on all these matters is yours. But I know mine.
Katie • Dec 13, 2013 at 2:37 pm
Beth- it doesn’t really matter if Catholics are a minority when they’ve been granted enough power in our government and society to become an oppressive minority. It doesn’t matter if you think that Catholic people (not that all Catholics are homophobic, or all homophobic people are Catholic) are allowed to have their perspectives as long as their bigotry doesn’t negatively affect other people because a) bigotry isn’t excusable whether it’s thought or action (and the two are definitely linked, as not-straight said), and b) their bigotry IS negatively impacting gay people because it is minority with a religious bias against the LGBT*Q community that is leading to systemic, institutionalized oppression (in more ways than just refusing to grant people the right to marry, but that’s a debate for another time).
Parker Linscott • Dec 12, 2013 at 10:51 pm
Madi! This is parker. We went to school together and id like yo say that i agree with you 100% i have always argued in the favor of gay marriage but i have never read such a strongly supported, highly intellectually based post until now! <3
not straight • Nov 22, 2013 at 8:45 am
Harmful actions are not created in a void. Harmful actions come from harmful thoughts, and therefore harmful thoughts should be discouraged. Secondarily, your statistic is incorrect. That is from a survey of homosexual males in Australia. 3.5% of American men and women are homosexual or bisexual, likely more, as many are too afraid of the queerphobic structure to confirm their sexuality. That is still almost 11 million American individuals who are discriminated against daily.
Of course Catholic Christians should get a say in things, but for it to be necessary for queer individuals to be ‘condoned’ by them, for it to be necessary to debate their inherent human rights’ existence, is a ridiculous notion. Were this an issue of opinions and not human rights, I would be glad to let opinions that don’t specifically encourage harming other beings pass by.
Beth • Nov 21, 2013 at 10:31 am
so because Catholics are a minority in the world they shouldn’t get a say? They are allowed to their opinion whether you see it as “good” or “evil”. Their opinion is not infringing on you rights, those that act on their opinions and infringe on someone’s rights are. Point blank there is a difference between a thought and an action. I’m in no way saying that i agree with their views, but i will fight for someone’s right to their opinion and not be demeaned by someone else just because their’s differ. And did you know only 1.7 of U.S. adults are gay. I will also fight for them to get a say but this country is democratic and the point of that is that everyone gets a say and just because Catholics or people who consider themselves gay or lesbian are a small percentage, they all get a voice in this system or at least they are suppose to. So can we skip the argument that just because Catholics are in the minority in the world that their views don’t matter? No one here was trying to force you to change religions or stances, they were sharing theirs. All of their views have legitimate arguments in their mind.
not straight • Nov 19, 2013 at 6:03 pm
I think many here are confusing ‘innocent opinion’ with ‘casual enforcement of oppression’. Holding a personal faith close to your heart is different from imposing it upon everyone. Catholic Christians make up only sixteen percent of the world, and while it is fine for the Church to govern who it wishes to marry, the legal benefits, ability of adoption, and ability to allow life-saving sharing of medical insurance should absolutely be granted to any individual, to any combination of male, female, and non-binary individuals joined together.
Katie • Nov 18, 2013 at 8:58 am
Can we all please make a collective decision to stop referring to people as “the gays” or “gays”? That only enhances the idea that their sexuality is their identity, which encourages people to think of people who are gay as sub-human.
Grace • Nov 16, 2013 at 6:31 pm
Beth, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Marriage, being a religious sacrament, is under the jurisdiction of the faith group (Zoe: marriage is defined as a “legally, RELIGIOUSLY, or socially sanctioned union” so while, yes, the term may refer to the legal binding of two individuals, it can also be considered a religious practice). However, “civil unions” or “civil marriage” are determined by the government and thus theological affiliation cannot be accounted for when making laws.
Unknown Nov 6- I respect your courage in expressing your religious beliefs and though I may not agree on some of what you said, I do think marriage is sacred and should be honored and respected (divorce is a much greater threat to marriage than same-sex couples).
Unknown Nov 8- You are not making strengthening your debate, enhancing your point, or giving people reason to agree with you by demeaning someone you disagree with. You say “they are people with rights, feelings, and emotions” but so are others with more conservative ideologies. If you want to disagree with someone, do so politely and argue respectfully (sounds like an oxymoron).
I applaud Madi for writing on such a heatedly debated issue and congratulate the Dart for publishing about such a complicated topic! Good job!
Batman • Nov 16, 2013 at 10:14 am
Okay guys, let’s slow down here. There are actually different words: Matrimony is the sacrament of binding a woman, man and God. That is not the current issue, and therefore we will set aside how anyone feels about that for another day. Legal marriage is the state recognizing two people to be legally joined together for tax, medical, property and other purposes. Matrimony and other religous ceremonies can be recognized as legal marriages, but not vice versa- legal marriages (at least through the Catholic Church) must go through the same process as a regular matrimony and nearly the same cerimony before the church will recognize them. So, a gay or lesbian couple being legally married will not force any church or religious institution to recognize them in a religous cerimony.
Okay, unknown people, A) God did not create marriage in the legal sense, people did- so I’ll just stop there with that, and B) everyone is entitled to an educated opinion, even if it differs with yours- gay marriage is only really explicitly banned in one place in the Old Testament, among the laws against eating shellfish and wearing your favorite cotton-rayon blend. However, Paul does mention it in his letters to Timothy and the Corinthians in the New Testament, and thus it is possible to scripturally back up what she is saying.
Now that we’ve taken a breath and gotten a few facts, let’s all stop making sweeping generalized statements. Do I think gay marriage should be legal? That’s not important- what I think is that everyone should educate themselves and respect each toher before we open a discussion not a debate on this. Instead of yelling and making statements that paint a nuanced world with sweeping strokes, I propose we all take a break on this for awhile and come back when we will talk calmly, make specific statements on specific facts, and respect each other and each other’s opinions.
This is a good article, and it opens up a potential floor for discussion, but that discussion can’t happen if we abuse anonimity and scream slogans at each other. Take a breath. Hold it. Let it out slowly. Now do it again. And again. Keep it up. It’s time to discuss calmly like the proto-adults we are.
Beth • Nov 13, 2013 at 10:32 am
My first note is that I am very disappointed in the unknown comment left of November 8 in reaction to the unknown comment left on November 6. There is absolutely nothing wrong with reading the bible or believing what it says. That is her religion and for you to say that it is any less real than the real world is very disrespectful. Here you are trying to make a point about equality but you are demeaning her because she believes something different than you. the unknown comment on November 6 was not offensive, in fact she gave the writer a compliment and simply stated a different opinion. My second note is that i feel like this article doesn’t explain what being open minded really is. It does not necessarily mean that you believe in every progressive movement going on during this time period but instead it means be able to listen to all points of view and discuss them respectfully while still having your own. I feel like this article is saying that if you don’t like the concept of gay marriage then you are not open minded which is not true. You can be open minded without agreeing with this concept. And thirdly, this whole problem stems from defining marriage. I think as marriage as a religious ceremony and something done through your church. In that setting, whether or not a gay couple should be married or not is completely up to the church and what they believe in. However marriage, as in legally binding contract, so to speak, should be open to all because the U.S.A. is a nation which separates church from state. The confusion comes from the fact that we use the same word for both. In France this legally binding contract we call marriage is actually called a civil union to reduce confusion. This means that you get the same treatment as every other couple that has gone through this process, regardless of sexuality. It differentiates between marriage religious and marriage as a legal contract.
genderqueer student • Nov 12, 2013 at 9:41 am
I agree with Zoe. A specific religion has the right to refuse ceremonies that are against their teachings, but they cannot control government decisions. Not every person in the country is christian, therefore, not everyone has the same belief system as you. I respect your willingness to speak out, Unknown, and I respect your religious beliefs. But religious beliefs do not apply to legal decisions, since it creates marginalization of not only the LGBT community, but also those in the country who follow any other religious beliefs. It is fine for a religion not to offer the sacrament of marriage to homosexual couples, but it should not try to interfere with laws that would positively affect a very large community.
Anna • Nov 11, 2013 at 4:42 pm
While I’m pro-gay marriage, I don’t think attacking the first unknown’s comment is very productive or nice. It’s kind of unnecessarily to harshly comment on someone personal faiths.
Sara-Jessica Dilks • Nov 10, 2013 at 5:13 pm
madi,
big up to you for having the guts to write this piece. it’s amazing to have so many people commenting about this controversial issue. keep it up
unknown • Nov 8, 2013 at 5:53 pm
If you don’t believe that gays have the right to get married, you need to get your head out of a bible and experience the real world. They are people, with rights, feelings and emotions. Although I understand where you are coming from, they are people too. Their right are the same as yours. Consider yourself if their shoes. How would it feel to have your rights as a human taken away?
Zoe • Nov 7, 2013 at 10:30 am
In response to the “unknown” comment, there is a difference between marriage and a wedding. Marriage is the act of being with the same person for the rest of your life and is a legal document. A wedding the the act of getting married via ceremony. For example: You are invited to my wedding is correct. You are invited to my marriage is not correct. Make sense? I can understand that you feel that the union of the same sex is wrong, but your beliefs can’t interfere with legal actions. When people are MARRIED (legal) they then get different rights as a couple than they do as single individuals. If a gay man’s partner is in the hospital, he can not go in and see him because they are not legally married. Also, when two people are married, their taxes are different. Therefore, legally they should be able to get married, but I can understand how you view them being wed as wrong. I think that everyone’s beliefs are their own, but as the article said, leave your mind open to how it gay MARRIAGE can affect those individual’s lives.
Kerry Egan • Nov 6, 2013 at 11:30 am
Mad I am so proud to call you my cousin! This is incredible! You did a wonderful job
Jesse Walker-McGraw • Nov 6, 2013 at 8:24 am
This is amazing! I’m so glad that you faced this issue when so many people don’t. I completely agree with you, and Its very brave to show your opinion this way.
unknown • Nov 6, 2013 at 8:06 am
Although very well written, God created marriage between a man and a woman. People can love who ever they want, whether it be two women or two men, but marriage is a sacred sacrament between a man and a woman that should be honored and respected.