by Siobhan Miller

I pull my Ford F150 pickup truck into my driveway and fumble for my keys, groaning as my cracked iPhone screen lights up with a call from “Queen.”

“Hi,” I mutter.

“Boo! How was your day? Remember you need to call Mr. Dixon back and dinner tonight will be at 6:30 so please run to the…”

I tilt the phone away from my ear and slough my backpack off my shoulders, staring longingly at the couch. I kick off my shoes and grab an apple from the fridge before finally bringing the phone back up to my ear.

“…so I’ll take the dress to be altered and you can pick up dad. Okay?”

I wait until the word okay is repeated four more times before finally giving in.

“Okay.”

The line goes dead.

At dinner my parents try to make conversation. How was my day? What did I have for lunch? Did I have a lot of homework? Asking the same questions that result in all the same one word answers.

Later that night I was working on homework when my parents came into the room, telling me my behavior has changed and asking why I was so distant. I wanted to feel guilty or angry, instead I was indifferent. I didn’t cry because I couldn’t let myself care. Finally, I turned to face them.

“It’s just easier for me not to have a relationship with you at all,” I said.

That night, my mom came into my room and sat on the bed. She told me she knew she was a bad mom and was so sorry, then began to cry. I wanted to hold her and tell her she was the best mom and I didn’t mean what I said. But I didn’t. Instead I pretended I was asleep. Pretended I couldn’t hear her pain. Pretended like each violent sob wasn’t shocking me to the core. Pretended I didn’t care. But I did.

So here is everything I wish I had said:

I get it, high schoolers aren’t the easiest to deal with, but if you want success in a teenager-adult relationship, parenting methods must be altered. First, give us space. When we were little and hurting, all we wanted was your attention. Now, during times of struggle, what we need is time to think for ourselves. Advice is appreciated, but give it too often and you may find us doing just the opposite. The more something is repeated, the more we tend to tune it out. Lecturing and yelling do little to increase the effect of our mistakes. Let us learn from them ourselves. And last, when we reply with one word answers, it’s not because we’re trying to disrespect you, we’re tired. We’re always tired.

Remember that no matter how much we disagree, we truly admire and love you. I used to think that we either learned from our parents or became them. I’m now starting to see even though we shouldn’t repeat our parents mistakes, being like them wouldn’t be so bad.