By: Claire McHugh

The following is a letter I almost had to write, but thankfully never did.

My dearest friend,

Here I am, standing in your bedroom. The same room I can remember us playing in since the second grade. The room we watched hilariously stupid YouTube videos, told our most recent secrets (typically involving a boy in our homeroom), listened to the most upbeat bubblegum pop music there is, and had all of our little chats that usually resulted in tears rolling down my cheeks after shrieking with laughter. The room we became best friends. I cannot believe I am standing here today, in these circumstances, writing you a letter in your notebook that you will never receive. Although this is the room in which we shared so many beautiful memories together, it is also the room you made the decision that would change my life forever.

To take your own life.

I can truthfully say I never thought this day would be arriving so soon. The day of your funeral. Your mother invited me and a few of our closest friends over after the service. As you may be able to imagine, this consisted of around a dozen of the most lively people you know standing together solemnly mourning the loss of a friend, a sister, and a daughter. Life is now a little bit less colorful and the days moved in slow motion, like the energy of the earth had been sucked out the day you left this world.

Your mother showed us your suicide note; I cannot believe that you were going through so much without me knowing. You were feeling neglected by your parents, had low self-esteem, and were afraid that everything was changing too much too quickly.

You wrote, “I feel like no one would care whether or not I was here on earth.” You can see now how much love there is for you in this world. Even people that never showed they care, really do more than you would have ever known. You’ve impacted everyone around you one way or another for the better whether you realized it or not.

You were afraid of change in your life, and now I am faced with the biggest curve ball life has yet to throw at me. Everyday at school I can no longer look forward to the nightly phone calls we would have that would always get interrupted by one of our parents screeching at us to hang up and start our homework. These risky phone calls will be one of the little things I’ll miss most about you.

I’ll try my best change our society to prevent young adults from taking their own lives do to similar problems you faced It’s troubling that so much was happening in your life without your best friends knowing, whether it had to do with self esteem confidence, bullying, or feeling forgotten by those you loved. I am so sorry you felt like you could not talk to anyone about these issues.

I will try to spread your story to show teenagers to never neglect or overlook anyone. Helping these teens who are feeling worthless, unloved, and unwanted is so much easier than everyone typically thinks. It could be as easy as helping someone with their homework, sitting with them at lunch, or just striking up a conversation after class. Little things could make all the difference in their life for all you know. Depression among teens is a huge issue that is not getting nearly enough attention. It shouldn’t take anymore suicides for other teenagers to realize how wrong it is.

Anyways, I will never stop loving you, and you’ll always be hold a special place in my heart. Even though you won’t be with me, I know you will be in spirit. You have inspired me to share your story with young adults our age, so they can learn to never overlook people, even if you think are 100% okay. I never expected that I would be losing you this soon, but all I can do is adjust and move forward.

I miss you more than you will ever know, and everyone else is too, more than you could have ever expected. You might of thought you were worthless but you have given me so much and for you I will find the strength to go on. I know you thought that you did not matter while you were living, but trust me, you did.

Love always,

Claire