by Maddie Knopke

To contradict the attractive stereotype usually attached to the word “summer” I would like to present you with a list of reasons outlining a different opinion of the sun-bleached and obnoxiously liberating season.

• Vacations are a waste of time.

• Who even likes the beach?

• I miss my netbook soooooo much.

• The tune you hear coming from ice creams trucks is actually a form of hypnotism.

• Wait, but I want to keep wearing seven layers of clothing.

• Popsicles are sticky and that’s just not worth it.

• Could the sound of crickets on a summer night get more annoying?

• S’mores over a campfire is obviously overrated.

• Being tan is unattractive.

• Water balloon fights are dangerous.

• “Warm summer breeze”? Please.

• Sleeping in is a pain.

• The daisies in my front yard are annoyingly cheerful.

• The sun is depressing.

• Snow-cones? You mean expensive ice?

• Pools are too wet.

• Lightning bugs carry disease.

• Sidewalk chalk is practically vandalism.

• Road trips run the risk of developing a serious annoyance for your family members and/or friends.

• Ugh too many concerts.

• Can someone please explain sundresses to me? I don’t get it.

• Open windows equal pollen invasion.

• Barbecues are mainstream.

• Camping is basically inviting tics onto your scalp.

• Tiki torches pollute the earth.

• You never know what those kids put in the lemonade at their lemonade stands…

• I can’t swim.

• Water slides are probably a leading cause of death by injury.

• Summer camps? Quite unmemorable.

• Sparklers encourage violence.

• Lawn sprinklers have a mind of their own.

• Your neighbors use block parties as an excuse to eat your food.

• If you dare walk barefoot outside, you are clearly unstable.

• TOO MUCH STRESS.

Okay, so maybe these reasons are all completely invalid. Let this be your official summer send-off from the Dart.