by Christina Elias

Get ready, ladies, because you’re about to read one of the most awkward posts on DartNewsOnline.

Lately (ahem, since birth), I’ve become one of the most awkward people ever. And no, it’s not other people who make it awkward — it’s me. I accept full responsibility for causing uncomfortable conversations… all the time. The girls in my classes understand what I’m talking about (yeah, Class of 2015, I’m going there. I’m confronting it.). I look completely uncomfortable all the time, regardless of what’s going on. They can all attest to that.

Situations that any other girl would think of as no big deal, I turn into an excuse to showcase my lack of social skills. Rockhurst football games? Count me out. Mixers? I’m that creep (awkwardly) standing in the corner. Going to the grocery store? I’d be the type of person to knock over an entire shelf of canned food and blame it on a someone who was “just here a second ago…”

And yes, I have actually done that before.

As junior and fellow-Dartian Katie Parkinson has said in the past, I’m “socially inept.” And I won’t argue. Much.

My mother, however, is completely unsupportive. She thinks that after posting this (it’s really a cry for help) I will buckle under the stress of being on a whole new level of awkward. Challenge accepted.

For all fellow teenagers experiencing awkward situations, I’ll just tell you right now that I have no idea how to deal with them. Hence the reason for this column. BUT — I will offer you one piece of advice: always have an escape route. It doesn’t have to be a plan worthy of James Bond. Just always be sure that in the case of a sneak-attack of awkward, you have a way to get out of the situation… ASAP. Climb through a window, army crawl down the hallway, do that weird smoke trick magicians use…

Good luck!

P.S. In case any of you were wondering what I wanted for my upcoming Sweet Sixteen (I know you all were, don’t deny it), receiving any of these as gifts would basically make my life and complete my existence: