by Grace Sly

The fake is never better than the original.

We hear this constantly: processed foods are unhealthy, (certain) implants and plastic surgeries are disgusting and “fake” friends should be dumped. The bias against fake seems to be everywhere. And it is true. Usually.

There is one exception to this rule:

Christmas trees.

I know Evergreens are an important ritual and staple to the holiday season.

I’ve heard the arguments that “rip-off” trees demean the meaning of Christmas and take away from the family fun of preparing and decorating the tree.

But I think differently.

Three years ago, I went on my last tree hunt. If you’ve never gone Christmas tree shopping with your family, it is not a fun experience. It took us 30 minutes to drive to a tree emporium, stand in the freezing snow and inspect every single tree to find the “perfect fit.”

I hated it from the start. Walking aimlessly for an hour to find a single tree (let’s not mention the struggle to tie it to the top of the car) is not a ritual I would like to repeat.

Being able to buy only one tree that comes in a perfect size/shape saves both time and money.

Although at face value a fake Christmas tree seems to cost more money, the money saved over time by reusing the same tree has a much greater impact on your wallet and, as Ben Franklin said, “a penny saved is a penny earned” (that might have no relevance but I’ve always wanted to quote some wise, historical person).

Secondly, the time consumption. From personal experience, the ritual of picking out a tree, tying it to the car/driving it home and unpack, wrapping lights around and hanging ornaments on the tree is an all-day affair. Think of what you could be doing with that lost time! I understand that for many people decorating their Evergreen is a special time for family connection and a fun activity but that’s why most fake trees don’t come with decorations. Christmas time should be spent with family and friends, enjoying the holiday and each others’ company, not obsessing over a plant.

There are safety concerns for real trees as well. The National Fire Protection Association reports that each year over 240 home fires involving Christmas trees are reported and, added to the fires caused by holiday lights, result in 21 deaths and $25.2 million in direct property damage. This is dangerous, especially if the trees are placed next to fireplaces or decorated in flammable bulbs. Fake Christmas trees are synthetic and malleable, making them less likely to catch on fire and overall safer

Another struggle is the rotting over time which brings me to my final point: taking the tree down. You can’t leave a real tree up for generally more than a week after Christmas, or, as I have observed, a distinct odor may find itself spreading throughout the house. This is not the case with artificial trees. I am not ashamed to reveal my family’s laziness: usually our tree doesn’t come down until May (sometimes later). There’s no pressure to take it down (besides from some friends who think it’s weird for a Christmas symbol to be up through Easter) and the Christmas spirit can continue as long as you want instead of (once again time consumption) immediately packing up the decorations and bringing the trees out to the curb.

I don’t know why “real” pine trees bother me so much that I decided to write a column on it, but they do. It’s just one of my Christmas peeves like how holiday music shouldn’t start until AFTER Thanksgiving, preferably in December. But I believe the waste of time and money is a crisis and should be remedied as soon as possible. And the first step is to buy an artificial Christmas tree.