by Kate Rohr

I am about to die. Probably.

That was all I could think when I entered the theater, when I bought my ticket, when I took my seat for “Paranormal Activity 3.” I started shivering and repeating “Oh God, oh God, I’m going to die, oh God, I’m too young for this, I’m going to die” when the lights dimmed. I was absolutely certain that I was destined to be one of those weird goats that pass out when they’re scared, except I didn’t anticipate waking up.

So obviously I survived, but still, you get my point:“Paranormal Activity 3” is an absolutely terrifying movie.

To be fair, I’m probably more skittish than most. To anyone who has ever turned a corner to find me on the other side, with me emitting a grossly exaggerated “GAAAAAAASP” and my eyes bugging out of my skull, I’m sorry. I really can’t help it.

But I wanted to see “Paranormal Activity 3” because it was Halloween weekend, and I was feeling the spirit of the most frightening holiday there is. And I figured hey! Maybe horror will turn out to be the genre for me, and I’ve been wrong all these years! Well it turns out that I was definitely right all those years.

I guess the point of horror films is to be scared out of your pants, and so as far as scary goes “Paranormal Activity 3” gets a rating of 97 on a scale from 1 to 10. But I didn’t like it. Not one bit. The film starts so innocently, with cute home videos, all full of happiness and joy and everything the world should be made of. But the film slowly descends into the terrifying world of horror thanks to the imaginary friend of a little girl. It’s told through the view of home videos, so sometimes the camera is very shaky and kind of nauseating. But that also provides lovely little numbers that tell the time at the bottom of the screen, and I watched those for most of the movie to avoid being scared by something popping out on screen.

But all in all, there were very few pop outs – most of the movie was suspense and waiting. So in that respect, I guess “Paranormal Activity 3” is kind of genius –it has very few gruesome, terrifying horror film moments, but the small things and the suspense send shivers down your spine and make you jump into your friend’s lap just the same.* So if you’re looking for a good scare, “Paranormal Activity 3” will definitely do it for you. But if you’re looking for a more typical horror film with bloods, guts, gore and tons of pure terror, then you 1) are probably a danger to society and 2) should find a different horror film. The ending was also kind of a let down, because after such a suspenseful movie I wanted something with more of a bang at the end, and “Paranormal Activity 3” didn’t provide that.

After writing this, I’m starting to think maybe I enjoyed “Paranormal Activity 3.” No, not maybe – I definitely did. It’s certainly not one of my favorite films, but I’m glad I saw it and would recommend it to anyone who wanted to see a horror film. And so I rate it… a 6!

*Quick shout out to the greatest person I know, Hannah Haywood, for holding me throughout the entire movie, for not making fun of me and for being the sole reason I survived at all. Sorry I’m such a pansy.