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The Modern Family

The+Modern+Family
by Sara-Jessica Dilks and Libby Hyde

Thanksgiving break has just ended and the winter holidays quickly approaching, which means that it is the season of spending time with loved ones – particularly family. The family structure and background of every STA student differs greatly; however, when the Dart asked several random students what the word “family” means to them, the responses tended to be similar.

“A support system of people who love you and want the best for you,” senior Grace Wells said.

“The people that love you no matter what happens to you,” junior Ally Drummond said.

“My support system,” freshman Sarah Cozad said.

While the concept of the “traditional American family” structure typically includes a married pair of a mother and father and two to three children, Jeffrey Bennett, a sociology and anthropology professor at University of Missouri-Kansas City said this idea has “changed a good deal just over the last 100 years or so.”

Bennett said the concept of a traditional American family is sometimes referred to as the “nuclear family.” This term is defined as a married man and woman living with their own children, according to the New York Times article “The Changing American Family.” Today, nuclear families only account for about 23.5 percent of American households.

“Who actually serves as the caregiver is much less important than the amount of care the caregiver gives,” Bennett said. “If [you have a family] that is attentive to your needs, loves you, and bonds with you…you’re gonna do just fine.”

According to principal of academic affairs Barb McCormick, any statistics about family background dynamics are confidential and are not available to the public. However, the 2013-2014 St. Teresa’s Academy roster lists approximately 65 households as having either just one parent, or having two parents with separate addresses.

Roseann Hudnall, director of admissions at STA, is the “touchpoint” for interacting with families of incoming students. Hudnall said that a student’s family background is not a factor in their admission into the school whatsoever.

“When I [talk with] non-traditional families, it doesn’t register to me they’re non-traditional,” Hudnall said. “At STA, acceptance is one of the very best things we do.”

Regardless of the range of type, size or structure, all STA families have one specific thing in common, according to Hudnall.

“[All STA families] are looking for a quality education for their daughters,” Hudnall said. “More than that, they’re looking for community and the personal, emotional development [that STA provides].”

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The Hoffine Family

A massive and beautifully adorned Christmas tree greets every person who walks into junior Arinna Hoffine’s mother’s home.

“We’re really into Christmas…as you can tell,” Arinna said with a smile. “Even though my mom is Jewish and half of us are Jewish.”

Five and a half years ago, Arinna’s mother, Trace Shapiro, “merged” her family with Scott Parrish’s family. He is now her stepfather. As a result, Arinna and her blood-related sisters, Shiva, 15, Chloe, 12, and Sadie, 10, now also have two step-sisters: Ashley, 19, and Skylar, 14.

“But I refer to them all as my real sisters,” Ashley said. “I’ve never called them my ‘stepsisters’ to anyone.”

In this household, family comes first over everything — over friends, over chores and even over homework.

“Merging the families has made us more stable as a family,” Trace said. “Prior to that, we were more nomadic.”

According to the family, certain special traditions are important, such as vacationing to Universal Studios theme park in Florida every few years. Eating is also of high value to the Parrish-Shapiro household; every other Sunday, they go out to dinner together (a family favorite is Chuy’s Mexican Food on the Country Club Plaza), and usually every Monday, they hold a family dinner at home.

As a “blended family” they have adapted well together, despite the blend of “historically different” cultures, according to Trace.

“[Before merging families], we used to only eat organic food, and we never had cable,” Arinna said. “But now, we [have compromised] some things, like we still eat organic food but finally have cable and a microwave.”

As the only male in the house along with seven females, Arinna’s stepfather Scott says that at times, it can be a challenge, but his strong male personality type tends to “counterbalance the whole female hormones thing.” Arinna added how “Donut Days” are yet another special ritual for her family.

“Well, that ‘time of the month’ happens at different times for different ones of us, so if you’re having a particularly terrible PMS-y day, [Scott] will take [the girls] out for donuts,” Trace said.

When asked if they have ever experienced hostility from others because of their nontraditional family structure, Scott was quick to respond.

“The basis of our family is that we care only about what our family thinks, and we’re really not worried about what everyone else or society thinks,” Scott said.

The Bowen Family

Two puppies and several cats scamper in and out of the Bowen household — a home decorated with floral china plates and tablecloths and complete with a small library.

The puppies, muddy-pawed and all, continue to prance around a smiley, wide-eyed 89-year-old “Grandma,” who sits on the couch reading a newspaper.

The Bowen family consists of all females: senior Maggie Bowen, her older sister and STA alumna Clare Bowen, her mother Beth Bowen and her grandmother Judith Bowen.

Typical Bowen family nights include watching “Star Trek” together, playing chess and sharing coffee at the Roasterie.

According to Maggie, many of the “really good moments” happen during political arguments, in which Judith presents a current issue in the news, such as minimum wage, and Maggie and Clare argue while Beth serves as the “endless peacekeeper.”

Beth, a nurse, conceived both Maggie and Clare through a sperm donor. Despite Beth’s advanced age, she chose to have children by herself because she felt she was “meant to be” a mother.

“[Beth] wanted my sister and I that badly,” Clare said. “She wasn’t going to wait to get married. She woke up and decided that it was now or never.”

As a result of having just one parent at home, Maggie was raised to be “fiercely independent,” according to Beth. Maggie usually makes her own meals, does her own shopping and before she had a car, she would walk to and from school.

“I know a lot of people are always talking about that marriage situation, but it never even occurred to me, even at a young age, that I wouldn’t be able to be a self-reliant female,” Maggie said.

According to Maggie, her mother and grandmother have both positively influenced her sense of identity.

“For us, the female figure [is] a strong, well-off, independent woman…it’s not that we don’t integrate with men, but [we] just have a really strong solidarity with who [we] are,” Maggie said.

Being raised in a single-parent home has at times had disadvantages, according to Maggie. However, she wouldn’t trade her family structure if given the chance.

“I’ll be looking at colleges and thinking, ‘Maybe if I had a dad, [my household] would have two incomes and it would be easier,” Maggie said. “But on the other side [if I did have a dad], maybe I wouldn’t have had the same work ethic or independence.”

When it comes to school, Maggie has not experienced any issues with peers at STA because of her non-traditional family background.

“In high school, a lot of people didn’t give it a second thought,” Maggie said. “If anything, STA is impressed; in science, they think the whole sperm donor story is really cool. STA [students and families] are completely accepting of single-parent households.”

When asked about her role in raising Maggie and Clare, Judith said she has “precious little” influence.

“Beth does all the emotional and health stuff and I’m just kind of around,” Judith said. “And I’m having a great time.”

Clare disagreed with her grandma.

“She has had a huge impact on my life,” Clare said. “I mean, I was one of the luckiest kids in the world.”

 

The Hutchison Family

“Is Mary Clara home yet?”

“Where’s Joe?”

“Aren’t Oliver and Bruno supposed to be home soon?”

These are phrases commonly thrown around the Hutchison household; it can get quite hectic in the evenings when most family members are around, said junior Maggie Hutchison. Visitors to their house will also remember the family photos arranged in a frame, inspired by the popular arrangement in the show “The Brady Bunch.”

With nine family members and an exchange student from Brazil, a hectic day at their house is not hard to come by. In the words of junior Maggie, “we are definitely not typical.”

The Hutchison family consists of parents Pete and Judy and children Mary Clara (23), Fritz (22), Charlie (20), Rose (18), Maggie (17), Oliver (15), Joe (12), and Bruno (17), who is their exchange student from Brazil.

Pete and Judy both grew up in families of seven children, so Maggie finds it comical that they decided to have the same number of children.

Bruno admitted that he was a bit overwhelmed when he first met the Hutchison family; he summed up the first time he met the whole family together with one word, “crazy.” Now, he feels completely at home with them.

“Somehow it all just fits perfectly,” Bruno said. “It was an easy transition because I had no problem with them, it just worked…in this house, there is always something going on.”

Maggie laughed while describing her family’s morning routine.

“We get up around seven a.m., and Bruno is always ready to go,” Maggie said. “Bruno is an only child and he hates being late, which is the polar opposite of my family…me and Joe tend to lag. It’s so funny…Bruno is sitting in the family room waiting to leave.”

With six members living at home, while four are off at college or living on their own, quiet days come once and a while as well.

“Its been quieter since Rose left for college at MU, because she always had something to do,” Maggie said.

For Joe, their family is defined by “putting people who hate each other into the same house, and making them love each other.”

The Hutchison family is a group of diverse interests, but Maggie said family members are all very outgoing. Each Hutchison has participated in theatre productions over the years. According to Maggie, they are binded together as siblings by their affection for two things: Disney and “Les Misérables.”

“We are all in love with Les Mis,” Maggie said. “That’s just kind of a given. We tried to put on our own [version] one day… We made our cat play young Cosette. It didn’t work out well; my sister ended up slapping me accidentally.”

Though the Hutchisons have fun-loving moments of recreating Broadway classics in attic rooms, just like any other family, they have their arguments as well.

“Me and Rose argue about clothes,” Maggie said. “She would steal mine, and she wouldn’t even let me borrow her socks; it was so unfair.”

According to Joe, he and Oliver fight about “video games and everything else.”

“My favorite part is that six people have to like me,” Mary Clara said. “And I’m never lonely. I always have people to come home to. It’s like six built-in friends right here.”

 

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