by Shaeffer Smith

The gradual switch from summer to fall reminds me of exactly a year ago when I was dating a super-hot Brazilian. Almost to the date, we began our 6 month love story when he moved in from Belo Horizonte, Brazil, with his family friend, and my best friend/neighbor/sister, Erin Farmer. During the summer, she and I stalked him on Facebook and I made it clear I was going to make him my boyfriend (#totalShaeffermove).

Only a month after we met we fell hard for each other, naturally. I was smitten, that’s for sure. The first three months were Taylor-Swift-song–perfect. He was my first real relationship, and after a rough break up (cue “Out of the Blue” by Aly & AJ) I look back and learned some really important lessons about relationships. So here is my list of “8 things I learned from dating a super-hot Brazilian”:

1. PDA actually isn’t really adorable, it’s gross. Being new to the whole South American boyfriend thing, I was totally swept away when he’d kiss me in front of my friends. Little did I know that all of my friends wanted to vomit everywhere during those sweet moments. Now everytime I see a couple at a party I yell “Get a room!” It’s not actually romantic, it’s disgusting.

2. Don’t kiss/fight and tell. I wanted everyone to know how lucky I was to have such an awesome boyfriend, but actually by telling my friends everything I was involving them in our relationship. He ended up feeling like nothing was between us when I’d go to my friends and ask for advice about a fight or something. It’s really best to just keep things between you two instead of getting the whole world involved, even though boys are extremely confusing and we need help decoding them sometimes* (*all of the time).

3. Be supportive of each other. He was an athlete, I was an athlete, and it really meant a lot to when we would go to each other’s soccer or softball games. Doing small things like that reminded us we are there for each other and supportive of things that are important to us. Even if it’s not an athletic game, supporting hobbies or decisions is a crucial part of a good relationship.

4. Don’t be passive-aggressive. I am the queen of passive-aggressiveness, and I would always be like “OMG why doesn’t he realize when I say ‘fine’ I’m really not fine???” Maybe when Brazilian girls say they’re fine, it means that they’re perfect. Well, I’m American and when I say “I’m fine” I’m not. But how is he, or any guy, supposed to know I’m mad if I act like/tell him I’m not. Don’t be me.

5. Do what he wants to do. If he’s obsessed with “How I Met Your Mother”, watch it with him. If he wants to go to his friend’s party, go with him. As much as you want to be with him 24/7, he doesn’t want to go girl’s night or see “Magic Mike”. He may go shopping just to appease you, but he won’t want to go every time…and you don’t want him to be whipped. So compromise plans.

6. Your friends are my friends, and my friends are your friends. Spending time together can also be spending time with your friends. It’s the best of both worlds.

7. Space isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s really hard to not be in communication with your boyfriend because you want to know what he’s thinking, feeling, doing, etc. Not in an obsessive, psycho way, but in a caring girlfriend way. But talking too much is almost more toxic than not talking enough. Communication is important, but communication doesn’t mean texting 24/7 meaningless conversation. Especially if they are on vacation or at a family thing, they don’t want to talk. It doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about you, though.

8. “I hope we can still be friends”. Yeah..right. Break ups are probably one of the worst things known in this cruel, unforgiving world. You spend all of this time building a relationship with a guy, and one day you’re just supposed to forget it? Okay, sure. At least for me, I would like to stay friends with an ex-boyfriend. I spent 6 months or however long building a relationship with you and to just throw all of that away? What a waste of 6 months. But it’s easier said than done. Pretending you don’t love somebody anymore and that you’re just friends now is extremely depressing. Taking as much time as you need away from him, all lines cut, is going to be your only savior.

I’ll always have a special place in my heart for that South American casanova. Since our relationship ended, I’ve been a stronger person, and a little less psycho in the relationship department. I wrote this so that any girl who reads this doesn’t have to get dumped to learn the 8 things I did.

Ew, look at me getting all sappy… Quick, think of something else! Uhhh… CHANNING TATUM. <3