by Shaeffer Smith

I love my guy friends. They’re the bomb.com. But it seems like they’re the only guys I can actually be friends with. I thought maybe it was me, just desperate for a boyfriend, but I’m starting to think that I’m not the problem.

It’s hard to meet a guy and just be friends, it seems like. I feel like they always want something more, you know? Like they want to hang out with you all the time and flirt and all of this stuff and you’re just like, Ummm ya I don’t actually want to see a movie with you because quite frankly I don’t feel like making out with you. But you can’t tell them that to their face, you don’t want to jeopardize your chance with any of their friends!

Sometimes it’s nice to have somebody to text, but am I leading him on? To me, my signs just scream friendzone, but I think my ignoring of texts sometimes and one word responses make me seem illusive, and guys like illusive girls, apparently, because he just won’t stop. I love boys, don’t get me wrong, but I would never want to break someone’s heart.

So is it bad that I still kind of talk to him…in a friendzoned kind of way?

I hope that other girls struggle with this issue because I don’t want to seem like the girl version of a player. I’m not sure what to do along the lines of talking to him. He’s a really nice guy and I would like to hang out with him, but that’s it. Just hang out. No dates, especially no movies.

If you’re struggling with this like I am (and please tell me you are otherwise this is super awk), let’s explore our options.

I/We could just stop talking to him all together. It’s not the nicest move, but hopefully he’ll get the idea. Chances are we’ll see him at a party or at some random place and feel extremely guilty, because we all know that one guy who did that to us. But what better hint than no response?

I/We could play the “I actually already have a thing with [insert best guy friend’s name here] and he says hi!” ….Joking, don’t do that, that’s actually super mean. No like really don’t do that, I can’t believe I even thought of that! I’m bad.

I/We could bring up to him that we see him just as a friend. But what if we’re reading HIM wrong, that would be really embarrassing for us. Plus, bringing it up means you really have to deal with it.

Ya, it’s awkward bringing it up, and chances are it won’t go as you imagined (it never does), but we should probably just talk about it. I would want a guy to do that to me! Sure, it’s gutsy to just say stuff, and he will probably be offended, but in the long run he might thank you. Honesty is the best policy.

Like I said, we all know that one guy that just randomly stopped talking to us (that’s next week), so keeping in mind how much that hurt, I don’t really want to do that to him. And being one to avoid confrontation at all costs, talking to him isn’t going to be easy. But at least he knows the truth, I/we wouldn’t want to hurt him.

Update: Things got to the point where I had to take my own advice for once, and it could not have worked out better! I’m kind of good at this….