Dear Clowns,

As sophomore Jaden Donigan once said, “please get a hobby” and stop chasing people, hiding in trees, threatening schools, etc. I don’t even want to think about everything you do because I’ll probably start crying.

I wish I was the type of girl who could sit down and witness something scary happening and not be phased. But in reality, I was on the verge of tears within the first 20 minutes of the Woman in Black. So if a PG-13 “horror” movie can freak me out, just imagine what a real situation like killer clowns will do to me.

As I’m sitting in my free writing this, I’m being fed updates from my peers about the new clown sightings around US. After hearing all of these reports, I decided the only logical thing to do is move to Europe, or maybe Antarctica would be safer.

Personally I like to swim, workout, binge watch Netflix, and many other things. I would recommend any of these activities to a clown. For $8.50 a month, you could watch all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls. If you have enough money for face paint, masks, and costumes I’m sure you can scrape together enough money for a subscription. Maybe TV isn’t your thing, then a membership to the YMCA may be a good idea.

So clowns, here is my plea: don’t kill me or my friends, don’t come to my school and please, never come back to Kansas City. I don’t think I could take it. I almost started crying earlier this week because my mom wouldn’t unlock the car door at night because of you people.