Once upon a time there was this television network called the WB’¦

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It was basically just a sanctuary for socially awkward, late nineties 15-year-olds, giving them an opportunity to live vicariously through the hit shows 7th Heaven, Dawson’s Creek, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. If none of that is ringing a bell, the WB also had a really weird looking frog in a top hat at the bottom right hand corner of every show. Exhibit A:

It’s apparent that this frog was based off a 1920s mobster or maybe a modern day pimp, but I have no reliable confirmation of that so I can’t be sure. Either way, the WB rocked my childhood with riveting story lines, like whether or not Jessica Biel would make the basketball team in 7th Heaven or go hang out with her rebellious, new boyfriend who smoked cigs in the parking lot. It was great’¦

But over the years the shows started to get really tacky and I’m pretty sure virtually no one watched any of them because I can’t even recall one. Subsequently, all of the hit shows I mentioned above were cancelled and kids like me were forced to turn to even worse shows like Hilary Duff’s Lizzie Mcguire and Jamie Lynne Spear’s Zoey 101. What a travesty.

Until one fine day in 2006, the broadcasting conglomerate CBS came along and kicked that little gangster frog to the curb by changing The WB to The CW (CBS/Warner Brothers). It appears everything went uphill from there because now The CW can actually get their shows to last for more than a year before pathetically getting cancelled, officially allowing them to put an ‘s’ on the end of ‘series’ because for awhile there they were putting out nothing but a ‘serie.’

Anyway, the network realized they needed to kick it up a notch and introduced the world to ridiculous teenage soap operas like Gossip Girl, 90210, Pledged, and One Tree Hill. While at one time addicting, I’ve discovered these shows are merely an hour-long feature of good-looking, pretend, wealthy teenagers who show us that it’s easy to be addicted to popping pills while having an affair with a teacher. Occasionally they’ll toss in the pregnant girlfriend who manages to have a baby, get a DUI, go to jail, and make it to prom only four episodes later. What an accomplishment.

I’m not going to lie ‘“ I used to be addicted to the show Gossip Girl (featuring ‘the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite’). Coincidentally, it too is about a bunch of rich, preppy, high school kids living in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, New York. When they’re not too busy applying to Yale, you can find these kiddos hanging out at ritzy night clubs in the city where they somehow don’t get carded for martinis and always make it into the New York social pages. Every now and then one of their parents will go to jail for tax evasion or someone’s dad dies in a freak private jet accident, in which case, all of their money somehow ends up in the hands of their irresponsible teenage offspring. It’s all so poignant; really realistic and has so much depth.

No, but in all honesty it’s way too over-the-top for my tastes these days.

Maybe I’m just growing up and out of these teenage soap operas, but I think it’s about time for Gossip Girl and the rest of The CW gang to hang up their Burberry scarves and fade off into the sunset in their Rolls Royce limos.

Honestly though, I don’t care what The CW does, as long as they promise to bring the thug frog back.