Nobody Puts Kenzie In The Corner: Introduction part III

All good franchises come in trilogies: The Godfather, Iron Man and now Nobody Puts Kenzie In The Corner.


by Mackenzie O'Guin, Managing Editor of Copy

As the longest running blog on DNO today, I sit here at the onset of my third year of writing and wonder what my editors are thinking. Basically, the only excuse I can come up with for why I’ve been allowed to keep at it this long is that you’re all sadists who derive perverse pleasure in watching me choke down monster shakes or flail upstream towards a dinosaur-ridden waterfall. I hope you feel good about yourself after all I’ve done for your entertainment. Or, perhaps I’m a masochist who enjoys severely discomforting myself publicly.

I digress. Welcome to Nobody Puts Kenzie In The Corner, my high school bucket list blog. The premise is as follows: biweekly, I will accomplish one item off of the List (below) and hopefully live to write about it with the aid of some fun graphics, photos, videos, etc. for your viewing pleasure. For a more in-depth description, check out my original post from when I was a chipper little sophomore who did not realize the physical and emotional wreckage these challenges would subject me to over the last two years.

“Wow, who is this courageous, talented, cunning, and breathtakingly beautiful martyr?”

What a burning question, theoretical reader! I’m Mackenzie Nicole O’Guin, and I’m a senior here at STA, which means I am very wise and you should receive my every word with near-biblical reverence. That also means that odds are, especially if you’re an underclassman, we don’t know each other very well. So, before I go any further, I’m going to Google “good speed dating questions” and answer a few for you.

  1. Which T.V. program would you never miss?
    My happy place is watching The Sopranos with a blanket, a dish of lasagna and a good cup of coffee. But, I have nightmares easily, so I fall asleep to Food Network every night to try and balance out all the violent mob shows I watch.
  2. What is the last CD you bought?
    Karen O’s Crush Songs because under my crass and loveless exterior I have a mere glimmer of girlish sentimentality.
  3. What makes you laugh/cry?
    For most my life, I feel I rarely laughed or cried. But, nowadays heart disease commercials make me cry, sooooo…
  4. What adjective would a close friend use to describe me?
    A panel of my friends was asked to answer. The censored responses include, “boss,” “somewhat talented,” “short,” “lil hands,” “sometimes you make funny noises” and “moderately decent looking”.

See? That was fun. This is called “transparency,” and it’s a method of making myself look more trustworthy so when I start saying some real wild stuff later on, it’ll seem a little more legitimate.

Now, our next order of business. This year’s List. This is our last list, so it has to be the most off-the-wall one yet.

  1. Winstead’s Skyscraper Challenge (by myself #pray4mack2014)
  2. Visit the Nelson
  3. Go an entire day without speaking (I know many people would love this)
  4. Interview sexist plaza picketers
  5. Blind french fry test
  6. Attend a country concert (I hate country music)
  7. Learn to drive (watching me operate large machinery is always fun)
  8. See a musical
  9. Crash a wedding
  10. Successfully navigate a huge corn maze
  11. Take as many selfies with strangers as physically possible in one week’s time
  12. Go Black Friday shopping
  13. Perform on a Plaza street corner
  14. Cook a huge meal without burning a house down (those of you who have seen me cook know this is a terrifying experience)
  15. Walk around a public place dressed in costume for an entire day
  16. Learn to ride a skateboard
  17. Have an unconventional holiday
  18. Be completely honest for an entire day
  19. Speak only Spanish for one day
  20. Learn how to play poker
  21. Shadow at a public school
  22. Learn another language (besides Spanish and English)
  23. Go to a concert to see an artist/group I’ve never heard of
  24. Day without makeup
  25. Rollercoaster Camera
  26. Fly in a hot air balloon
  27. Attempt a social experiment (you’ll see, trust me)
  28. Start a flash mob
  29. Go stag to a dance
  30. Police ride-along
  31. Visit a wax museum
  32. Swim in a waterfall
  33. Go an entire week without apologizing (I use “sorry” like a comma)
  34. Visit a psychic/tarot card reader/palmist
  35. Try an anti-gravity wind tunnel
  36. Be a KC tourist for a day
  37. Take a “weird” class (outside of STA)
  38. Experience acupuncture
  39. Successfully complete a Pinterest DIY
  40. Successfully escape from Escape KC, Tick Tock, or similar.
  41. Try a bizarre food for the first time (I have eaten nearly anything you can imagine, so it’ll be a search to find something new to experiment with)
  42. Become a Harry Potter fan (I started reading the series in 8th grade but stopped after the first book)
  43. Have a makeup-clueless guy do my makeup
  44. Go scuba diving
  45. Visit a graveyard at night
  46. Witness a solar eclipse
  47. Learn to solve a Rubik’s Cube super quickly (I’m looking at you, Emma Gustavson)
  48. Try a weird fitness class (like rock climbing or yoga #zen)
  49. Read 25 non-school books by the end of the year. (I love to read but I don’t have a lot of time between school and work)
  50. Win Senior Assassins

Per usual, this list is subject to change at any given time. If some unforeseeable yet List-worthy event occurs, I might go off the script for a post or two. But, hey, this is our last year together! Let’s make it great folks. Leave any ideas in the comments.

So long and goodnight,

Mackenzie Nicole O’Guin

Special thanks to my editors for enabling yet another year of shenanigans, my anonymous panel of friends for describing me with such complimentary terms and James Gandolfini for the episode of The Sopranos I’m watching right now.