Almost Southern: bye bye Lil Sebastian

This is not the story of the famous pony, but the story of the not-so-famous White Advisory fish.

Almost Southern: bye bye Lil Sebastian

by Meredith Mulhern, Staff Writer

On Friday, January 8, I casually strolled into midday advisory. My advisor, Mrs. White, solemnly looked at me while I walked in.

“I have some bad news,” she said.

“What?” I asked as I glanced around the room.

“Lil Sebastian is dead.”

“And your sister killed him!” a girl in my advisory shouted.


We got Lil Sebastian at the beginning of the school year. Senior Kay VanAsdale bought him, and he had a cute little tank with a lime green plant and rainbow rocks. We named him Lil Sebastian after the famous pony in Parks and Recreation. At first he was happy, but then senior Anna Hafner brought in fish food that made him sick and nearly killed him because it was too big for him to digest. He would just chill at the top of the tank without moving, so we had to make sure he wasn’t dead multiple times a day. Thanks, Anna.

Luckily, we figured out the problem and switched back to the good food. We managed to save Lil Sebastian and not have to deal with a dead fish.

However, that all changed last Friday.

According to multiple primary sources, my freshman sister, killed our advisory fish.

Lil Sebastian’s tank had a filter that plugged into the wall via cord, and I guess it was in the way of my sister as she was walking through the classroom. Personally, I find this hard to believe because it’s a big black cord that is hard to miss and it’s in the back of the classroom, but whatever.

If the story was told to me correctly, my sister, Katie, was talking to a friend while walking and wasn’t paying attention. She tripped over the cord, flinging Lil Sebastian’s tank onto the floor. Sand, rainbow rocks and water spilled everywhere. Lil Sebastian was flung onto a temporarily unknown location. The fish was temporarily M.I.A. and the room full of freshmen algebra 1 students were screaming and laughing their heads off.

Lil Sebastian was found, but it was too late. All of the fish water had already spilled out of the tank, and the only water in the room was tap water. He was placed in a cup of tap water and shortly died afterwards.

If I was a fish, this would definitely be the least desirable way to go. Think about it, this poor little guy was suddenly flung halfway across a room and then put in a cup of liquid poison while a classroom full of girls screeched around him. That sounds so incredibly terrible.

I kind of miss Lil Sebastian, but I also hate fish at the same time, so I’m cool with not getting another one. However, Lil Sebastian will be missed. We had a nice little funeral where we sat in the dark in midday advisory and listened to the song “Bye, Bye Lil Sebastian.” Give it a listen, Chris Pratt does a great job with it.

Finally, I’d like to thank my sister for accidentally murdering the fish and causing my advisory extreme pain. I really appreciate it, Katie.