Almost Southern: I’m Afraid of Everything

Bugs, cats, sick people, oh my!


by Meredith Mulhern, Staff Writer

Hey y’all. We’re about a month into school now, which means summer is pretty much long gone (I’ll give you a few minutes to silently cry to yourselves). Anyways, I definitely miss having no homework, being able to go out literally every single night (which I did with no shame), vacations and the pool. However, there are several aspects I will definitely NOT miss.

Unfortunately, many of my deathly fears come hand-in-hand with summer. I’m pretty sure I had a mini anxiety attack every single day because I had to face something I’m scared of.

Here’s a list of my phobias to give you a little idea of my struggles:

1. Moths. I will not go near a moth. They are fuzzy, disgusting, freaks of nature that have no place in this world.
2. Cicadas. These may be even worse than moths purely because they are big and crunchy and disgusting. The fact that I just used “crunchy” to describe this particular insect proves my point.
3. Trucks carrying large cargo. If you read my last post, you’d understand.
4. Rats. My boyfriend used to have two pet rats (thankfully, his dog ate one of them and the other one went crazy and died. RIP Tinky Winky and Poe) but he would take them out of his cage and I would curl up in a ball and scream. I’m not kidding.
5. Infectious diseases. I’m especially afraid of Ebola. In seventh grade, I read an excerpt from a book that described the symptoms of Ebola. I curled up in a ball and hyperventilated for about half an hour.
6. Car accidents. I’m assuming one day I won’t be affected by them anymore because I basically get in a wreck every other week.
7. Taxis. I have an unrealistic fear that the driver is going to go rogue and kidnap me.
8. College. I got on the Common App website and I almost threw up, which leads me into my next fear.
9. Vomit. If you throw up in front of me, I will not help you. I will not talk to you. I will run away or cover my eyes and ears and talk/sing to myself.
10. Sick people. Last year, I went on a ski trip with one of my friends and her family. Her little brother was sick, so I brought a bottle of hand sanitizer, alcohol wipes, and a bottle of vitamin C gummies. I keep a stock of alcohol wipes in my room, and I create specific zones in my house for my family members so they can’t spread their disgusting germiness.
11. Cats. I don’t trust them and they smell.
12. Ouija boards/anything demonic. A psychic once told me to never do a ouija board (even though I did one when I was eleven). Anyway, they’re sketchy and they freak me out. Ouijas welcome demons into your house if you don’t end the conversation properly, and I would prefer not to have a demon residing in my home, but that’s just me.
13. Rock music. It kind of gives me anxiety.

Personally, I think these are all very reasonable, rational fears. I had to face cicadas and moths multiple times this summer. I missed the ACT because I had a 101.9 degree fever, which ties in with my hatred of sick people (I hate being sick as well. I just cry the whole time). Cats are the literal WORST. One of the little girls I babysit has a cat named Dwight. Him and his other little cat buddy will run around upstairs at night and jump off the bed, and it sounds like a murderer is walking around. My stress levels go through the roof because of those freaking cats. Then, they’ll just come downstairs and stare at me or chase after nothing. I hate cats.

Well, that’s it for this week. I hope you enjoyed this little snippet of my life, and if you like cats, I probably hate you.