Nobody Puts Kenzie In The Corner: I Met Robert Downey Jr.

by Mackenzie O’Guin

Let me begin by saying that I am not the touristy type. Thus, when sophomore Christina Kirk and I mini-vacationed down to Branson, everyone was shocked when I insisted on visiting the Hollywood Wax Museum.

I knew I was in for a treat the moment I stepped through the door and found myself face-to-face with Robert Downey Jr., a.k.a. the love of my life (sorry, Hos).

Sophomore Mackenzie O'Guin stands next to a wax sculpture in Robert Downey Junior's likeness. O'Guin was severely dismayed by fake Downey's hair.
Sophomore Mackenzie O’Guin stands next to a wax sculpture in Robert Downey Jr.’s likeness. O’Guin was severely dismayed by fake Downey’s hair.

My joy was surpassed only by that of Christina when she turned to lay eyes on a true national treasure.

Sophomore Christina Kirk smiles with prospective spouse, Nicolas Cage. Cage is highly regarded as a living legend and an inspiration to any true American. photo by Mackenzie O'Guin
Sophomore Christina Kirk smiles with prospective spouse, Nicolas Cage. Cage is highly regarded as a living legend and an inspiration to any true American. photo by Mackenzie O’Guin

After admiring good ole’ Nic Cage for an uncomfortably long moment, we trekked onward. As usual, walking gave me time to think, and subsequently, I pondered the nonexistent ‘deeper meaning’ of the situation at hand. As I paced through hallway after hallway of celebrities, living and dead, I thought how peculiar it would be to see my own likeness there. Imagine the surprise of one day receiving a call: “Hello, insert celebrity name here. I know you’re busy, but would it be cool with you if we made this huge block of wax in your likeness?” Personally, I’d be horrified. What if they make me look ugly? The humiliation would be unrivaled. Or, on the flip side, what if Wax Mack were more attractive than Real Mack? That’d be whack! (HA, get it? Rhymes!) Either way, I don’t have the constitution to have to compete with a wax sculpture for looks.

This remarkably self-centered train of thought was interrupted by seeing an elderly woman posing next to Hugh Hefner on a heart-shaped mattress. Some things cannot be unseen.

An unknown woman poses with a wax sculpture of Hugh Hefner on a heart-shaped mattress, puzzling many. photo by Mackenzie O'Guin
An unknown woman poses with a wax sculpture of Hugh Hefner on a heart-shaped mattress, puzzling many. photo by Mackenzie O’Guin

Freshly disturbed by that traumatic experience, my family and I trudged on. Passing several old-timey stars, we made our way to my favorite part, the horror section. Who did we find there? Everyone’s favorite…

Sophomore Christina Kirk poses with Satan. No further explanation needed. photo by Mackenzie O'Guin
Sophomore Christina Kirk poses with Satan. No further explanation needed. photo by Mackenzie O’Guin

SATAN! Yes, Christina found Satan. I, too, made some new friends.

Sophomore Mackenzie O'Guin points lovingly at Michael Myers. She took this photo to send to family friend and local musician Tech N9ne, who loves horror films. photo by Christina Kirk
Sophomore Mackenzie O’Guin points lovingly at Michael Myers. She took this photo to send to family friend and local musician Tech N9ne, who loves horror films. photo by Christina Kirk
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Sophomore Mackenzie O’Guin smiles nearby caged wax sculpture of Hannibal Lecter. Lecter is the focus of one of O’Guin’s favorite books, fictional horror novel Silence of the Lambs. photo by Dawn O’Guin

And, on that charming note, our journey concluded. But not before bidding goodbye to the height-measured silhouette of Collin Firth. Ladies from our freshman year period one Advanced English I class understand.

Sophomores Mackenzie O'Guin and Christina Kirk lovingly gaze at silhouette of Colin Firth, reminiscing on his role in Pride and Prejudice. photo by Travis O'Guin
Sophomores Mackenzie O’Guin and Christina Kirk lovingly gaze at silhouette of Colin Firth, reminiscing on his role in Pride and Prejudice. photo by Travis O’Guin

Thank you so much for reading! I need to apologize for not posting last weekend, my original post fell through and I was left on Sunday night with nothing to work with. However, I sincerely hope this week makes up for it. I really love this blog so far and I cannot wait for next week. Xoxo.

So long and goodnight,
Mackenzie Nicole O’Guin

Special thanks to Christina Kirk for tolerating me for an entire weekend, my family for tolerating Christina Kirk for an entire weekend, and Branson for tolerating my family for an entire weekend.