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pop those pimps por favor

This week’s topic:

Yummy….

Pimples: gotta love ’em. They’re everywhere: your forehead, nose, cheek; the neighbor boy’s neck. And even though you freak out when you wake up, look in the mirror and see a massive, swollen, red spot taking over your face, you can’t wait to to get your hands on that thing.

Seriously, the more I hear girls in frees talking about how “disgusting” popping pimples is, the more convinced I am that everyone enjoys the sheer pleasure in popping those suckers. And I know I am right. So Sophia Garozzo, stop telling yourself that you don’t like it, because we all know you can’t wait until you get a pimple to pop the heck out of it.

But what is it about popping pimples that makes us all obsessed with this lovely pastime?
Here are a few reasons I could come up with:
  1. Who in this universe wants to go out in public with a bulging, white pimple for the all the world to see? No one!
This actually brings me to my next point: the small population that doesn’t pop their pimples. This is my plea to you popping resisters. SQUEEZE YOUR LITTLE HEART OUT!
Exhibit A:
I hope you almost gagged/vomited/fainted at the size of that sick, pus-filled, swollen mess. I also hope you people out there realize how it feels to try to talk to a person with something this repulsive sitting on her forehead. Seriously, pop that little rascal so we don’t have to look at it all day. And as an avid pimple popper/OCD acne freak, I can speak for all of us in saying: No, I am not listening to you trying to explain last night’s Trig homework, I’m trying as hard as I can to refrain from reaching up and squeezing that little hooligan as hard as I can. So please, for the sake of others, just pop it.
2. Who doesn’t love the downright entertainment one receives from watching that white pus pop out of that swollen, red mass on their forehead? Oh, how impossible it is to describe the satisfaction of watching the white stuff pop out to say hello after 30 seconds of squeezing! Words honestly cannot describe it.
It doesn’t stop there, though: You want to see how much you can get out of it, and when the pus-force is so strong that it hits the mirror, you yell “SUCCESS!” inside that crazy mind of yours.
3. Although not as satisfactory as watching the pus escape with your own eyes, the Blind-Method is another personal favorite of mine. Most used in chemistry class or cross country practice, this method involves 3 important steps:
  1. Locating the swollen spot on your face/neck/shoulder/back
  2. Squeezing the spot with your thumb and pointer finger until you feel the pus breakthrough the skin
  3. Touching the center of the spot to make sure the white stuff is completely out–SUCCESS once again
Now, this method requires practice, so it is usually used by avid pimple poppers like myself. Knowing if the pimple is ready to be popped or not is your key to success. And success/satisfaction is the feeling you receive when you experience that white stuff surfacing–“Gotcha, sucker.”

4. And finally, no matter what your dermatologist/mother/best friend tells you, popping pimples actually helps them heal faster. Keeping that infected stuff in them does nothing for you. However, over-popping those little rascals, or using your fingernails can definitely make them worse.

My friends at Acne.com have provided some tips to help you when taking care of these little monsters. They are as follows:
  1. Disinfect a needle with rubbing alcohol. A basic sharp sewing needle is a good choice.
  2. Gently prick the pimple’s surface.
  3. Take two tissues and wrap your index fingers with them.
  4. Squeeze from the sides, confidently but gently, using a down-and-in motion. Don’t force it. If the pimple is ready, it’ll pop. If it doesn’t, leave it be. Be sure to stop if clear fluid or blood starts to come out.
  5. Continuing to work at a lesion that is not ready to be popped can lead to scarring. Walk away from the mirror!
That’s a pretty good start if I do say so myself. I would add that you should pop pimples after getting out of the shower, because your pores are huge and the white stuff comes out easier. Mmm…

My advice to you: If there is a pimple with white in the middle of it staring back at you in the bathroom mirror–POP IT.

As for the rest of you avid pimple poppers–MAKE ME PROUD. Share the wealth of your knowledge with others. PLEASE.
Until then,
wEirDo
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