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FAMILY MATTERS: Cierra Marzett struggles after her father’s divorce and remarriage

Senior Cierra Marzett finds it almost impossible to create a healthy relationship with her step-mom

Senior Cierra Marzett sits in her bedroom with the closed door separating her from the rest of her family, weighing out her options for college. At Oklahoma University, Cierra would be close to Oklahoma City and the majority of her extended family. Anywhere closer to Kansas City, she would be able to stay closer to her dad. But, Cierra tries to decide if that is worth staying closer to her step-mom and the home that changed her.

‘I used to be happy at home’¦now I dread going there,’ Marzett said. ‘I can’t even show my personality when I’m at home. I can’t wait to go to college.’

Cierra lives with her dad, Mr. Gilbert Marzett, step-mom, Ms. Stephanie Marzett, step-brother, Jonathan and half-brother, Joe. According to her father, Cierra has a very distant relationship with her step-mother, and Cierra said the two barely talk to each other.

‘We have nothing in common,’ Cierra said. ‘I’m a teenage girl and she doesn’t know what to do with me. I have my own opinions. I had been doing my thing with my dad for nine years and she came in and changed that.’

For nine years, Gilbert raised Cierra as a single parent. He and Cierra’s biological mother, Ms. Tanya Marzett, divorced six months after Cierra was born because they discovered Tanya had schizophrenia, and it was not safe for her to raise a baby. Tanya moved closer to her mother to have constant care available and she stayed close to Gilbert, who said their relationship improved after the divorce. Cierra saw her mom frequently when she was younger, and she had significant mother figures in her aunt and her grandmother while growing up.

According to Gilbert, he refrained from dating while Cierra was younger, but he always knew he wanted a family.

‘Things happen,’ Gilbert said. ‘Nature took its course, and I found someone.’

Gilbert met Stephanie at a party when she was visiting from Washington D.C., and soon after they married and she moved to Kansas City in 2001 with her son, Jonathan. Five years ago, Stephanie and Gilbert had Cierra’s half brother, Joe.

‘[My dad] has a son now that’s his and he’s always wanted that which is good, but it has also brought a lot of stress,’ Cierra said. ‘It’s still great because I have a brother, but it’s with the wrong person.’

Cierra thinks her biological mom is the right person for her and her dad. She thinks she would be much happier now had they not divorced. Tanya and Gilbert tried to make their situation work and moved back together when Cierra was three years old, but the circumstances of Tanya’s disease and the care she required always kept them apart.

Gilbert thinks the divorce was the right thing to do, even though Cierra is unhappy now.

‘Of course [the divorce] has some type of effect on Cierra, but it happened when she was just a few months old so [having divorced parents] was all she knew,’ Gilbert said. ‘It’s not like she was 10 or 15 and all of a sudden there was a change of experience.’

The major change of experience came when Cierra was 9 and her step-mom moved in and the Marzetts became a blended family. According to Cierra, her relationship with Stephanie has been rocky from the beginning. She does not know exactly why they do not get along, but she has had a hard time forgiving Stephanie for disagreements they have had in the past. According to Gilbert, Stephanie and Cierra could improve their relationship if they put more effort into it.

‘There’s not much trying on either side,’ Gilbert said. ‘I have tried to work things out but it’s not up to me.’

Gilbert asks Stephanie and Cierra to attend the STA mother-daughter luncheon together every year, but Cierra said that is the only time of year they spend time alone together. Many blended families have a hard time getting past the uneasiness of one-on-one encounters. According to Associated Content, quality time among step-parents and step-children is essential to improving relationships.

‘Among many child psychologists, as a growing recommendation to create solid step-parent and step-child relationships, spending time alone, with the step-child is highly recommended,’ Christine Cadena wrote in her article ‘Step-Parents: Improving the Bond with Step-Children.’ ‘Simple home projects, creating hobbies together and even having lunch alone, can provide key opportunities to create a unique bond with a step-child.’

Cierra does not have her dad’s optimism about the future of her relationship with her step-mom. To her, the experience with her parents’ divorce and her dad’s remarriage will help her when she chooses a partner.

‘I’m going to try to marry the person I’m going to be with all my life,’ Cierra said. ‘If either of us have an issue like my mom’s, I’m going to work through it.’

For now, Cierra chooses to avoid her step-mom and stay behind her closed bedroom door.

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