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FAMILY MATTERS: Elle Rauch and her single mother build a unique bond

Anne Rauch raises her daughter, junior Elle Rauch, as a single parent

Sixteen years ago, a partnership began.

At age 35, a single mother Ms. Anne Rauch gave birth to her daughter, junior Elle Rauch on Jul. 16, 1993. Since then, the pair has lived together in St. Louis and in Kansas City. They have not felt the hardships of a stereotypical single parent atmosphere, and believe their relationship is much stronger because of their circumstances.

“Growing up with just me and [my mom] for 16 years, it has made us a lot closer, I think, than if I had siblings or if I had a dad that lived with us,” Elle said. “All we really have is each other so we lean on each other.”

When Anne was pregnant, she and Elle”s father decided not to get married and Anne raised her daughter on her own, with the help of her family and friends. Opposed to half of the technically single mothers polled by Babytalk Magazine who have some sort of parenting partner in their lives, Anne has refrained from dating and kept Elle her “number one priority.”

“I”m content in my life and I never looked outside to make my life happier,” Anne said.

Anne, and many single mothers across the country, think a positive aspect is the freedom to raise her child on her terms and not have to argue with someone else over the best strategy. Elle and Anne agree that having just one parent shows Elle a clear balance between discipline and friendship.

“I think we have created certain boundaries that [Elle] knows exist, and when she crosses or gets closer to the boundaries I stop being a friend and operate as a parent,” Anne said.

According to Anne, “because Elle is such a good kid,” the Rauches usually function as friends. Elle thinks her relationship with her mom is unique compared to her friends that live with both parents.

“Most of the time [my mom]”s really easy to talk to about things,” Elle said. “I feel like I can go to her about anything and not fear that she”ll freak out on me. She”ll let me talk before she says anything.”

Anne said she has created a friendly relationship by making her expectations and boundaries clear, and by sharing responsibilities with Elle.

“I think of her as an equal partner and we just make sure we cover all areas of our lives that need to be covered,” Anne said. “We worry about who has to kill bugs and who has to fix stuff when it”s broken. The emotional part of it has never been hard.”

Because Anne was prepared at 35 to have a child on her own, she supports the idea that an increase of single mothers is due to a changing culture in which women are able to support a child on their own and no longer find a partner necessary. In 1993 when Elle was born, approximately 30 percent of births in the United States were to unmarried women, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. Today, the rate is approximately 40 percent. The increase is not an isolated problem among teens and low income women. In fact, the percent of teenage nonmarital births declined from 50 percent in 1970 to 23 percent in 2007, according to the CDC. Anne said she hopes that her experience will teach Elle to be prepared if something unexpected ever comes up in her life.

“I always tell her to make a life for herself – to have a career and background so she can make those choices,” Anne said. “So she knows that she”s got every option out there. No one chooses necessarily to be a single parent.”

Although Anne and Elle think the emotions involved in a two-person family are easy, they have had trouble finding suitable babysitters in the past. According to Elle, a babysitter once convinced her that ants could eat people. While Elle”s fear of ants has cooled since she was eight, she knows her mom has trouble leaving her alone when she travels for work. Anne is an attorney for the Environmental Protection Agency, and travels to St. Louis for trials every few months.

“I think traveling”s definitely making [my mom] nervous because I”m at the age where I can start staying home alone more…but she doesn”t know how much freedom to give me,” Elle said.

Despite challenges, Elle and Anne see their two-person family as positive, overall. They both agree that growing up with a single mother will most greatly affect how Elle raises her children.

“I”m hoping it makes her more self-assured to see that I can do it on my own,” Anne said. “I tell her to take advantage of all the opportunities in her life so she can function as a one-parent-one-child family or a two-parent-ten-child family some day.”

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