Rape Culture: Facing the facts and the fear

story by Audrey Carroll and Meredith Mulhern, photos by Arinna Hoffine, alternative coverage by Katherine Green

No one ever thinks it is going to happen to them. No one ever thinks it is going to happen to their best friend.  No one ever thinks their brother would be the one to do it. Now, with recent cases that have rocked the Kansas City high school community, the topic of rape has been cracked open. But, why has it taken so long for this discussion to happen, and why did it have to wait until alleged rape occurred to spark the discussion?

Statistics from the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) show that every 107 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. That is one person every one minute and 47 seconds. Also according to RAINN, girls between the ages of 16-19 are four times more likely than the general population to experience rape or sexual assault.  With numbers like these, it seems that rape would be a prominent discussion topic amongst high school students, but this is not the case for every school.

In the past, the Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault (MOCSA) has visited STA a few weeks out of the school year to conduct a seminar with the sophomore class on sexual assault and dating violence. Just recently, MOCSA was present at an assembly on sexual assault at Rockhurst High School. But the question is, do these seminars and presentations provide students with the right amount of information they need to be safe?

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According to Rockhurst junior Adam Palausky, Rockhurst does not discuss the topic of rape enough. Aside from the recent optional assembly held at Rockhurst, the school “doesn’t really cover the topic [of sexual assault],” according to Palausky.

“It’s more of students educating other students about rape,” Palausky said.

Guidance counselor Amanda Johnson believes that for STA students, the MOCSA seminar sophomore year is not enough.

“I think we should [provide MOCSA education] all four years,” Johnson said. “I don’t think it should just be something that you do one time and forget about. I wish we continued to talk about it because it’s an issue that affects one in four young women, so the likelihood that someone in this institution will be raped or sexually assaulted is incredibly high.”

Junior Meghan Brownlee admits that the MOCSA seminar sophomore year is helpful, but in reality it does not allow enough time for discussion on the reality of rape amongst her peers.

“I feel like I know about statistics and what to avoid, but I wish the grade could talk more about their experiences,” Brownlee said. “Students can benefit more from hearing real-life stories, as opposed to statistics and numbers being thrown at them.”

According to Johnson, MOCSA presentations and plays such as “The Outrage” put on by Safehome are extremely beneficial, but the reality is that there is no amount of education that can prevent someone from experiencing rape or sexual assault.

“I don’t know that you can ever be educated enough about rape and sexual assault,” Johnson said. “Do I think that STA girls get that education? Yes. Do I think we often fully understand what it means? Maybe not, until I hear something happens to them or someone they love and care about. So I’d like to say yes, all the girls have all the education in the world and know what to do, but when you’re in that situation, there’s no cookie cutter plan. You just have to navigate as you go, and unfortunately, I don’t think we can be ever educated enough on how to deal with that situation.”

The Director of Guidance at Rockhurst, Mike Heringer, has similar views and is ensuring that Rockhurst is making more efforts to further educate its students on rape. One way the school is doing this is by holding convocations, or class meetings, next year that will include discussions about sexual assault and violence.

“Each class has [convocations],” Heringer said. “If there are any problems or news that goes on [in the community], it goes into convocations. Next year, speakers will come in and do a presentation with MOCSA and Safehome as a part of that.”

“One of the things we tell the boys is that going off to college, and just living,  you’re going to be confronted with different types of scenarios,” Heringer said. “They will experience many situations dealing with sexuality, and you can’t really prepare for that unless you know what your values are. If you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything; so, whether the situation is sexual, alcoholic, drugs, cheating, if you don’t know what you stand for, then you won’t be a in a position to deal with that well.”

Although both Palausky and Brownlee agree that there could be more rape education at both schools, both students claim they have a good understanding on rape.

“Legally, rape is having sex with someone when they can’t say no or they didn’t say yes,” Palausky said. “Rape falls under the category of sexual assault.”

“To me, rape is forced sexual relations of any kind,” Brownlee said.

There is a difference between sexual assault and rape, and the close similarity between the two terms’ definitions has caused much confusion in recent years in determining whether a case involves rape or sexual assault. The Department of Justice defines sexual assault as “any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.” An example of this would be rape. Rape is a form of sexual assault that occurs when either party does not consent to sexual intercourse. In Missouri, the age of consent is 17, so a teenager cannot legally agree to participate unless they meet the age requirements.

The age of consent varies based on state, as does the terminology used to categorize rape and sexual assault.

However, it is difficult to educate students when so many lines are blurred.  Alcohol consumption also makes determining consent difficult. A drunk “yes” is the same as a sober “no,” according to Safehome. According to Crisis Connection, men are more likely than women to assume that a woman who consumes alcohol is a willing sexual partner on a date, and 40 percent of men who think this way believe that it is acceptable to force intercourse on an intoxicated woman.

According to Palausky, being drunk “isn’t an excuse for rape.”

“If you’re too drunk as a teenager to handle yourself, it’s another thing people need to be aware of,” Palausky said. “Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean you’re free of anything…I think people should be able to do the right thing without being pressured to do the wrong thing, whatever the right and wrong things in those situations are.”

By law, someone cannot give consent if they are not in the right frame of mind or under any influence of substances that alter their decision-making according to Safehome.

“Legally, you cannot give consent if you’re intoxicated,” Johnson said. “Each case is different, and maybe what I would look at is future implications for someone who wasn’t sure if they were raped or not [because of intoxication]. Create a plan in the future so both parties feel safe and comfortable with what happens.”

Along with alcohol and determining rape in that respect, the topic of rape culture also comes into play with the discussion of sexual assault.

“So much of the culture influences [sexual assault] and the particular images of male and female,” Heringer said. “So what [Rockhurst has] done is ask, ‘What does it mean to be a male? What does our culture teach us? What do our values teach us about [sexual assault]?’”

According to Brownlee, rape culture has a lot to do with perceptions of women.

“Girls are blamed for rape because of how they dress, how much they drink or how they act,” Brownlee said. “I think that the world we live in definitely influences that.”

Heringer agrees that the media influences both girls and boys.

“In our society, we need to define what is provocative and what looks good,” Heringer said. “It’s an uphill push with Catholic institutions with that when it comes to restrictions on dancing and [on]clothing that goes on at dances, for example.”

Another common misconception about the cause of rape is the outfit the victim was wearing. A goal of many organizations like MOCSA and Safehome is to prove that clothing has nothing to do with why rape may occur. Johnson agrees with this goal.

“Clothing can’t send signals,” Johnson said. “We can interpret what we choose to, but inanimate objects don’t have that kind of power. However, people send signals and I don’t believe that it has to do with the signals that are being sent. Rape has nothing to do with signals. Rape is about power and control. So, if a person sees that someone is vulnerable in any way, that they have the ability to overpower them, that’s what rape is. It doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing, it doesn’t matter what they’re doing or saying, rape is about finding someone that is vulnerable or scared.”

“I think it really says something that most of the time, girls are blamed for being raped,” Brownlee said. “It also says something about rape education that girls kind of just accept the blame, and most girls don’t even consider what happened to them to be rape.”

According to Johnson, girls have to pay attention to physical and emotional signs to determine whether they were raped or not.

“Besides any physical pain or discomfort  you may be feeling, pay attention to the more subtle emotional signs,” Johnson said. “We know that the majority of those who commit rape or sexual assault know their victims. Notice if you’re feeling pressured or coaxed in any way into doing something that you don’t have a way to say ‘no.’ So, just a lot of that verbal and prompting that makes you feel uncomfortable or gives you a feeling that ‘this isn’t right.’ Be conscious and cautious about how you feel about a certain situation, and if you’re uncomfortable, it’s okay to say ‘no.’ If you feel pressured, you should start to think about the kind of relationship you’re in and look for signs of an abusive relationship.”

“I think that signs of rape are if a guy is crossing your personal boundaries and you aren’t comfortable with it,” Brownlee said.

As for future efforts to further educate Rockhurst and STA students, Johnson and the STA administration hope to collaborate with Rockhurst.

“I think there’s definitely an opportunity for collaboration,” Johnson said. “Rockhurst had actually presented the idea that they wanted to join to do this educational video, but unfortunately, based on our schedule, we did not feel comfortable this year with being able to partner with them. It is something we’re going to do, to create a small group discussion with girls and guys. It’s not a one-sided issue and it shouldn’t be taught one way to two different groups. It should be taught all ways to all groups.”

“A collaboration would be really helpful,” Brownlee said. “[STA and Rockhurst students] don’t have the same opinions or understandings on what sexual assault and rape is. Talking with Rockhurst boys would give us a different view and would help all of us.”

“I think single-sex schools have a lot of benefits,” Heringer said. “But when you talk about dating…those conferences or meetings are one-sided.  Single-sex schools are like, ‘How are you going to talk about this when you only have the opinion of one sex?’”

“We’ve all seen the recent cases that’ve been in the news in colleges and universities,” Heringer said. “Seeing it in the media, we’re bucking a culture that doesn’t support a lot of respect and dignity…instead, we have hook-up culture, which can be confusing for young adults regarding intimacy.”

According to Johnson, a shift in the culture will hopefully cause rape to become more of an issue and less likely.
“The reality is that one in ten men rape, so that means there’s nine young men that will not rape or feel that it’s something they have to do,” Johnson said. “So, that’s the good news. I think even with society’s standards and idea about gender roles, the majority of men are saying ‘This isn’t a behavior I’m going to do.’ It’s that one in ten we have to be aware of and be mindful of the messages we are sending through media and education and socializing about gender.”

The following is a personal account of sexual assault written by an anonymous student.

“Have sex with me,” the boy commanded as he pinned a girl on the bed in his drunken state.

“No, let me go,” she said sternly.

“Have sex with me.”

“By law, you have to let me go. Let me go, now.”

“I guess I do have to let you go,” the boy sighed and let the girl up. She ran into the other room, frantically trying to contact her friends to come get her.

You never think that this would happen to you. It never occurs to you that rape and sexual assault happens outside people who put themselves in bad situations, but it does. It comes when you least expect it, and it can happen to anyone.

I certainly didn’t think it would happen to me. I’m the girl that was pinned to the bed. I’m the girl who fought with the boy on top of me for several minutes to get him away from me.

The worst part is is that I was in my best friend’s house. The worst part is is that I was sober and he was drunk, and he still thought he could take advantage of me. The worst part is that this boy was once one of my best friends. The worst part is that none of my friends stood up for me while the boy cussed me out after they got back. The worst part is is that someone said, “She’s a ******* ****. She should’ve been raped.”

STA girls need to know that rape and sexual assault can happen to anyone. You don’t need to be drunk at a party, or roofied, or harassed by a random guy outside of a bar. I certainly didn’t think that I would be assaulted somewhere where I was so comfortable and by someone who I was once so comfortable with.

It’s sad that I’m telling you to take precaution and be careful to avoid rape, but that’s the world we live in. We need to always be aware of what’s going on around us, and we should never, ever be left alone with a boy, no matter how much we trust him.
I don’t want another girl to go through this. I don’t want to see my STA sisters hurt like I was. I want us all to be safe and comfortable with our friends when we go out, but sadly, that is not the case. So, until rape and sexual assault is a problem that has since been solved, I encourage all of you to be careful. Bring a buddy wherever you go, and never underestimate anyone. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.

Right On Target

compiled by Leigh Campbell

Q: Do you think STA students are adequately educated on rape or sexual assault?

“No, because rape is not a topic we talk about or hear about at school. It is more heard about from the media which can be over exaggerated or not factual information.” senior Caroline Strader

“I don’t think we are. We are not shown enough videos or scenarios. I think we should be taught more tactics to avoid and recognize rape or sexual assault.” – junior Ellie Porterfield

“Overall, no. I feel like STA has assemblies on other topics other than rape like drinking. But in PE we did talk about rape briefly.” Freshman Hunter Loehr