by Meredith Mulhren

On December 8, 1997, a bouncing, ginger baby girl was born into the world (aka: me). But let me tell you, I absolutely hate being a girl. Like, wow, it really is not a fun time.

Here are my reasons on why being a girl is so incredibly terrible:

LONG HAIR – Personally, I have very distinctive hair. It’s super long and red, and it gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Hair falls out of my head at an alarming rate. It gets stuck on my clothes, my bed, my car – pretty much everything I own. So, if you see a trail of ginger hair in the hallway, sorry.

CLOTHING – Let me tell you a couple things about girls’ clothing. It is at least $20 more expensive than guys’ clothing, which is frustrating in itself. Also, if I feel like actually looking nice for once, I have to sacrifice comfort for cuteness. Tight clothing also falls under this category – anything made of denim that you wear on your lower body is bound to be uncomfortable. Regular bras are uncomfortable as well. I don’t know about you, but sports bras are definitely the best invention on the planet. Ever.

MAKEUP – Does anyone else have problems getting it off? Does anyone else look like they got hit by a truck the morning after they make an attempt at wearing makeup? Or possibly roadkill? Specifically, a raccoon?

HIGH HEELS – Since I am just over five feet tall, I refuse to wear heels that are under four inches. My tallest pair is between five and six inches, and I physically cannot walk afterwards. But hey, beauty is pain, right? (But mostly pain).

PERIODS – Enough said. Also, boys need to stop being freaked out or acting like they understand our pain. You will never understand, so please go back to your testosterone-filled hole you call a school, which leads us into our next issue.

BOYS – They make us laugh, they make us cry, they make us want to ram our heads through a wall. But hey, they’re cute sometimes, right?

FALSE INCAPABILITY – Contrary to popular belief, girls can fend for themselves. I’m not dumb; I’m not weak. I am capable of playing sports well, and I am capable of being a good driver (the only wreck I have been in I was hit by a giant sewage pipe, so that one doesn’t count). Girls are just as capable as guys, if not more in some areas, but many people don’t see that.

SHAVING – God bless STA and the lack of expectations when it comes to having shaved legs. That’s all I have to say on that issue.

BODY EXPECTATIONS – Newsflash, boys: girls aren’t Barbie dolls. I do not look like a Barbie doll, and I will never look like a Barbie doll. Seriously, if I was a Barbie, my ankles would break under my weight and all girls would die if we were Barbies, and then you would be alone. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

So clearly, girls have it rough. However, there are some good things about being a girl, such as being able to attend the best school on earth.

(The ability to paint your nails isn’t so bad either).